Bringing a child into the world is filled with so many surprises. Some surprises are joyful, while others are scary and heartbreaking. After a three-year battle with infertility and pregnancy loss, my husband and I are the proud parents of two healthy daughters.
I miscarried three times before my first daughter was born in 2010. All losses occurred in the first trimester.
My first successful pregnancy came with a lot of worry. I had to use a medication called Progesterone to help the pregnancy survive. I also dealt with Hyperemesis Gravidarum for the first four months.
Because of the previous losses, every joyful moment of pregnancy was also matched with anxiety. I was fearful of losing the pregnancy up until the moment of birth.
I gave birth to our first child in the summer of 2010. I was one week overdue and excited to meet my daughter. My husband and I went to the hospital on a Friday evening to have labor induced. I prayed for a smooth delivery, but the monitors showed my baby was in distress with each contraction. I was immediately prepped for an emergency cesarean section. I trembled as I was wheeled into the operating room. I was so afraid for my baby. Thinking about it at this very moment makes me emotional.
Thankfully, the c-section was a success and my beautiful daughter entered the world. She was healthy and that’s all I could have asked for.
In late spring of 2013, we welcomed our second daughter by cesarean section.
My journey to become a mother was long and very difficult at times, but I am truly thankful for my experiences because they have shaped me into the loving mother I am today.
Having a supportive partner is everything
After the third miscarriage, I didn’t want to try again. I decided we would just get a puppy. I didn’t want to go through the pain of loss, the surgical procedures to remove the pregnancy, the questions from people asking what happened, or the feelings I did something wrong. I could not handle it. My husband, Luis, was strong and held me together. He convinced me to try again.
From all we went through, I learned that having a supportive partner is everything. I also learned it was okay to feel overcome with sadness for a while, but that I had to get up and seek joy. I had to find a brighter day. I got back up and I am living in brighter days.
My journey to motherhood was a struggle with a beautiful ending. Even now, in the moments when my daughters seem to drive me crazy, I am so thankful they are here because they are a dream I thought would never come true.
A message for moms
I would encourage anyone dealing with infertility or pregnancy loss to talk to someone they trust about how they are feeling. If possible, find a community of people who are going through the same thing to trade stories and support.
When I was going through pregnancy loss, I was not aware of any community to join for support. It was also difficult to speak with some of my friends about my experiences because many of them were having successful pregnancies. Finding a supportive person to talk to is important to the healing process. Also, keep a journal to write down thoughts and feelings.
To those that are pregnant, enjoy every moment. To parents, love your children. Even when they don’t pick up their toys or eat their vegetables, still love them and acknowledge that their very existence is a miracle.